Wednesday, November 19, 2014

MMFF 2014: Another season of pure Filipino crap

There are so many things to hate about Christmas in the Philippines. There is the traffic, the noise of the seasonal fucking carols, the people pretending to be good, those people pretending to be nice, and then you have the annual showcase of the so called Philippine talent - the motherfucking Metro Manila Film Festival.

It was supposed to shoecase the best in Filipino films and started well with Imelda Marcos and the films produced were something of an Art. Now fast forward to 2014 Christmas time. Now we get the same standard shit that has been recycled since the day people thought sewer water is safe to drink and that the Pasig river is a nice place to breathe fresh air.

According to wikipedia the MMDA or the Metro Manila Development Authority has released the official list of things you don't want to see but will forced to watch when you are already in hell.

Here is the list and what I think about each.

1. Bonifacio - starring Robin Padilla, Vina Morales, Daniel Padilla, Eddie Garcia

This is supposed to be a historical drama about the braveman of the Katipunan. It also show cases a friend of mine Kuya Manzano. The name alone of the Padillas is a clear indication that this would be mediocre and bad way of looking into the life of Bonifacio. Just get the history books if you are interested with Bonifacio. I wished they put Aljur Abrenica as the Bonifacio that is forever topless. Would save and make the movie a bit valuable. lolz

English Only, Please - starring Jennylyn Mercado and Derek Ramsay

2. English Only, Please (film) - starring Jennylyn Mercado, Derek Ramsay

I don't know about this drama but Derek Ramsey and the lead women makes me say this is maybe another play on the infidelity thing. The title also plays upon the EOP practice common with many call centers in the country. It's a so-so movie and should be watched when you have nothing else to see on youporn. Otherwise just watch the actors and actress display their bodies because in the end we know this film has no value whatsoever.

3. Feng Shui 2 - starring Kris Aquino, Coco Martin, Kim Chiu, Paulo Avelino, Andre Miguel, Xian Lim

Uhmm Kris Aquino in a movie is a give away. It's a sequal to one of her annoying and not even scary movie about some stupid Chinese practice of good luck that turns into something dark. So better wear condoms and protection as you watch this idiocy of a film. Yes at the end of the movie you still want to be checked on any venereal disease from Kris Aquino.

4. Kubot: the Aswang Chronicles 2 - starring Dingdong Dantes, Isabelle Daza, Hannah Ledesma

Another scary movie on a Christmas day. It's one of those things that should have been shown duirng Halloween but somehow it was left out. This might be the only film worth watching in all of the film entries. The first one was OK and this is just the second part. It's also better because Lovi Poe was taken out of the casting. That means less shit for this movie.

5. Magnum Muslim .357 (film) - starring ER Ejercito, Sam Pinto

With a poster uglier than the ugliest Bollywood movie. It seems that ER Ejercito has the guts to still make the standard action movie that many Pinoy Dad love so much. It comes with the standard leading lady with just the body to show. The movie plot will of course linger on the idea of stupid revenge and male crap that everyone is ashamed of.

6. My Big Bossing's Adventures - starring Ryzza Mae Dizon, Vic Sotto, Marian Rivera, Manilyn Reynes, Nikki Gil, Pauleen Luna, Wally Bayola, Jose Manalo, Paolo Ballesteros

Vic Sotto is a standard in this film festival already. He should have been banned since he gets most of the stupid crowd with his slapstick and lame jokes. Being the safest movie entry expect the standard lines and moves of Vic Sotto and the rest of the cast. Leave your brains when watching a movie like this.

7. Praybeyt Benjamin 2 - starring Vice Ganda, Richard Yap, Roderick Paulate, James "Bimby" Aquino-Yap, Alex Gonzaga, Karla Estrada, Negi

The idol of the madlang people Vice Ganda comes back to destroy what the LGBT comminuty have tried so hard to earn - respect. With the help of the robotic and yet smart Bimby (formerly known as Baby James) and the bigot Alex Gonzaga I bet this movie is another reason for you to just stay at home and watch more porn for the enrichment of your human values. Same slaptstick comedy with brains are to be expected.

and lastly we have

8. Shake, Rattle & Roll XV - starring Dennis Trillo, Carla Abellana, Matteo Guidicelli, JC De Vera, Erich Gonzales, John Lapus

The third of the so called scary movies. By this time you are no longer scared of the movie. Most of the people might be just going to watch the movie for the handsome men they are going to feature. There is even a cameo of Daniel Matsunaga but that alne would not save the movie. Again they should have just put a porn movie instead.

You are lucky are just going to suffer 8 movies this time. Now you tell me Filipnioes are talented and Pinoy movies are good? Thank you for making me think otherwise.

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